


The Joys of Grand-Parenthood

by Lukas17



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Bodily Fluids, Gen, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 09:44:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4175163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lukas17/pseuds/Lukas17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry never thought that suddenly being a grandfather meant being on time for work, being called names, and getting throw up in his shoes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Joys of Grand-Parenthood

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea and I typed it up real quick. I might make it a series IDK. If people have ideas they want to share I just might.

_“She’s named Jenni, her parents sent her to live with me while they go fight in a civil war. That boy over there reading is named Thaddeus, but everyone just calls him Thad. He doesn’t like who he’s named after. And the boy who looks just like him is named Bart. His full name is Bartholomew, and Don named him after you.”  
_

It would take at least an hour for his test to run, but he wouldn’t be bored as he processed the rape kit Singh wanted done soon and typed up a report on the J Street murder.

Work seemed so pleasant and easy now that his home life was a complete wreck. Those tiny, little monsters were staying at Joe’s place until Iris could get them settled, but Joe had promised her that they could all stay as long as they wanted. Iris was still his daughter even if she was also a grandmother.

Which was hilarious how she got to be that way. Apparently he left his own genetic info on file in some location, she wouldn’t say where because they didn’t completely understand time travel and “it could create another singularity”, and decided to use that to have kids. Between now and his death (probably, DNA could be taken from a dead body) he had left a sample to be studied or it was stolen from him from the billions of things he would touch or spit on in his lifetime and it had found its way into her hands just when she decided she wanted children.

In all of his fantasies he had never thought about having children with her. Hell, if he thought about it for any length of time children just didn’t sound appealing, especially with his heroics work. But that option had been taken from his hands and he didn’t know how he felt about it.

It wasn’t like he had to carry the kids or was being forced to raise them or even acknowledge them. None of them. The second thing out of Iris’ mouth (after “Hi I gave birth to your kids in the future and I brought them back to the past because things are dangerous there.”) was “I made a choice to have them. You have no obligation to take care of them like I do.”

He didn’t have to let this change his life. Granted Iris was now a package deal, but he had been living without her for a full year. If anything this was good. She was safe, she was happy, and he could move on to other girls who didn’t have tiny, evil grandchildren nipping at their heels.

“So this is where you work grandpa.”

The bottom of Barry’s stomach opened up and his heart took a nose dive into the dark abyss. The entrance to his lab was cracked open and Jenni’s head was peeking in.

“I thought you were a CSI?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be at home?” He assumed they would be at home. He left fairly early that morning after sleeping only a few hours. Who knew it would take the revelation he had children to get him to be at work on time.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a CSI?”

Oh god it was starting. He could already hear the constant stream of “Why” and “Why not” that would eventually follow. He didn’t have a lot of experience with kids, but they always messed with things and were annoying demons.

“I am a CSI. This is what CSI’s do.”

“But where’s the body?”

“The coroner handles all of that. I test the samples she brings.”

“Oh. Lame.” She let herself in, and one of the boys followed.

He couldn’t tell the difference between Thad and Bart, they were identical in literally every visible way. That was strange, since most twins had one small difference, like a mole or birthmark. There was only one of them there though, so he had a 50/50 chance of getting it right.

“Aren’t you supposed to be home?”

“No. Grandma’s trying to get us citizenship right now. She said she’d call us if she needs us.”

Right. They had superspeed too. They could be at the office in minutes at most.

“This stuff is so old. How do you even do anything?” The boy flicked the centrifuge on. How, he did not know, because the stupid thing had been broken for weeks now.

“Don’t touch that!” He almost slammed the laptop down to run over, but stopped himself. He needed to make sure the test was run and the person in his position beforehand had set it up so that the computer needed to be open for it to run. Why the idiot did that Barry would never know, but to fix it would require time he did not have.

The boy pulled his hand away, leaving the thing to run. Barry almost groaned, but swallowed the sound as he walked over and turned it off.

“What are you doing anyway?” Jenni had slipped from the spot she was before and was now across the room looking at the laptop running the test.

“Jenni! Don’t touch that!”

“I’m not, jeez.”

“Can’t you two just leave.” Barry reached out and grabbed the tiny hand reaching for a pipette. “Don’t you have something more entertaining to do?”

“Not really.” Jenni thankfully backed away and the boy pulled his hand back. “Can we help?”

“No. Go find something else to do.”

The boy rolled his eyes. “We tried. Do you really think our first idea was to come visit our grandfather at his lame job screwing around with broken pipettes.”

“Well move down the list, and where’s your brother anyway? Go play with him.”

“You’re at the bottom, and he wanted to go visit the Lame-Arrow in Starling.”

“Why didn’t you follow him?”

“Cause the Arrow is lame. Though less lame than you because you’re closer.”

Barry sat down, this interaction was draining all of the energy from him and he honestly wanted to take a half day and just go sleep at home, but he didn’t want to squander the hours when he might be called do to Flash work at anytime these days.

“What can I do to make you guys leave?”

Jenni’s face went a little red, just like Iris’ did when she was angry but wasn’t about to yell anyone just yet. “Well if you don’t want us around then fine. We’ll just leave.”

She stomps right out the door, but the boy sticks around just analyzing him. Barry almost wants to ignore him and get to his work, but if there’s going to be another grenade he’d rather pull the pin now rather than later.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just grandma described you way different than you are.”

“She was gone for a while.” He turned to the kit he was processing. Eventually the kid would find something more entertaining and leave.

“But she has really good memory, and the history books always said you were patient and kind.”

“History books lie.”

“Wow, cynical too. You sure the world needs another cynical hero. I thought Lame-Arrow had that covered.”

“Go away Bart.”

“Thad, stupid.”

“Will you leave? I have work to do.”

“I’ll leave when Jenni leaves.”

Barry mentally counted to five before he allowed himself to continue this conversation. “She did leave Thad. She walked out the door.”

“Yeah, but she downstairs right now. I think she’s in the coroner’s office.”

Oh god would they ever leave. “Well take her and go to the park or something. Please, this is where I work. I can’t have you both running around making a mess.”

“Grandma wants us in school as soon as possible, so think of this as time to bond with your loving grandkids.”

If Barry looked over his shoulder he was sure that Thad would be wearing a shit eating grin. Both of them seemed to like to troll and prank people. It must be a twin thing.

Singh came in before he could call Thad out and he got in trouble for having a kid in his lab. After he handed over the report he forcefully dragged Thad out of his lab and looked for Jenni who, apparently, hadn’t left the coroner’s office.

“Awwww, is she yours?” Mary asks, gloves covered with blood but looking no less doting and endeared by his demonic, tiny grandchild sitting a fair distance away with a bag of chips in hand. When Barry walked in with Thad’s arm held tightly in his grip they interrupted a glorious conversation about what eyeball fluid can tell you about a person’s health. “She’s so adorable. I want one just like her.”

Thad began struggling to get out of his grip, but he just held on tighter and used his other hand to cover Thad’s mouth when he tried to say something. “Yeah, uh, work doesn’t seem like a great place to talk about kids.”

“He didn’t know about us until recently. Mom left him for a nuclear physicist with a ferrari.” Jenni oh so helpfully chimed in.

“Oh.” Mary’s smile faltered, be she picked herself up rather quickly. “I - uh - didn’t realize.”

“Yeah, sorry about the interruption. I was just about to take them-” He was interrupted from his poorly thought out excuse to leave by the sound of Thad throwing up into his hands follows quickly by the stuff landing on his shoes when he pulled his hand away.

He lost his train of thought after that, too busy trying not to throw up as he felt the chunks from half digested waffles congeal in between his fingers.

Mary pulled off her gloves with a snap, not at all grossed out or worried by the scene before her. “Oh don’t worry about that, happens all the time. I’ll call facilities.”

“Please hurry.”


End file.
